Blimey, Check Out The Swank New Virgin Atlantic Lounge At JFK You Probably Can't Afford

Virgin Atlantic just spent $7 million renovating their JFK airport "Clubhouse," where you can kill time before your flight in a luxuriant modern utopia that just "oozes uptown style," as the press release puts it. Of course, by "you" we mean somebody else; someone who can afford to fly "Upper Class" on Virgin Atlantic. That doesn't come cheap—a round trip "Upper Class" ticket to London on, say, a Monday in April costs $7,059.70, which includes the $412.70 in taxes/fees/surcharges. See, who says the rich don't pay their fair share? But, hey, maybe that is you! If so, step right in, governor...

The lounge, designed by Slade Architecture, is more than double that dreadful old eyesore of a Clubhouse—you remember, that dump where old man Lackersteen got too tight on gin and thrashed a coolie to within an inch of his life. Now you've got 10,000 square feet to stretch your legs and bask in "a world of graceful elegance with cascading, shimmering golden ceilings of lighting, and soft, decadent textures."

The heart of the lounge is the cloud shaped cocktail bar, which is "enclosed by a diaphanous, curving ‘wall’ of stainless steel rods and walnut fins; mediating views from and through the space and creating a series of distinct spaces." Around this watering hole guests "move in a rhythmic syncopated flow to the many unique amenities" that the unwashed masses in the terminal beyond couldn't possibly appreciate. A more formal brasserie serves a la carte meals, with such items as an old school tin baked steak and Brooklyn Ale pie, which brings "moments of delight to every table."

Naturally, there is a spa and hair salon, which sells Bumble and Bumble, as well as Dr Hauschka Skin Care. Once you've had your fill of signature cocktails and Brooklyn Ale Pie, gotten your face and hair treated, and played a couple games of billiards, you can finally repair to a quiet corner of the Clubhouse where "person sized round cavities have been created in the walls, lined with wool, with intimate lighting, perfect for passengers who have had a hard day and want to retreat to their own private place." What a relief to know that there's a place you can recuperate after enduring such hardships!